There’s a lot of stigma around men’s work these days. Some see it as gay or something only broken men attend. Many believe that a “real man” should solve his own problems, captain his own ship, and charge forward in life without asking for help.
And honestly? I agree with parts of that. We should take charge. We should be accountable. But when I look around, I don’t see empowered men leading the future. I see men struggling in loneliness. I see a culture where men have been disempowered watching as the monopolies above us manipulate us, chasing pleasure instead of purpose, avoiding or struggling in relationships. And I see the cost in our society, in the world and ultimately on our future generations.
And beyond the personal, I see the larger consequences: a society lead by greed, dominance, and disconnection. A world where we still tolerate war, starvation, economic manipulation and . A world with more than enough abundance but not enough courage or unity to share it wisely. Why do we stand by and believe we are powerless?
In my opinion it’s because we are still stuck in our stories and individualism, unable to see through the superficial around us and take action in what matters.
This is why I believe in men’s work. But I also believe it needs to evolve.
In my own journey, I often felt that men’s work wasn’t comprehensive enough. It sometimes felt like a support group without real tools. I didn’t walk away knowing how to face my shadow, own my projections, or communicate better in daily life.
So I made a pact with myself: I would find something that did give me those tools.
Eventually, I came across a man who spoke about eliminating his “pleaser” that part of him always needing to be liked and learning to embody a more selfish, assertive part. Not to dominate, but to find balance. That clicked deeply. I saw myself in that.
He introduced me to a practice called Voice Dialogue, a method of inner parts work that helps you meet and work with the different selves inside you the ones you know well, and the ones you’ve pushed away.
My first session was with a practitioner named Katjalisa, who focuses on sexual and emotional conflict. We uncovered a younger part of me, frozen in time that held deep shame around sex. This part had locked itself away for protection. Through the session, I was able to speak from that place, feel what it needed, and meet another part of me capable of holding space and expressing love.
It was surreal, liberating, and unforgettable.
What I’ve Learned Since
Here are some of the key ideas that changed how I see myself and how I now support others:
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- We all have PROTECTOR parts These are the inner voices that say “You should,” “You have to,” “You must.” They keep us safe by shielding our more vulnerable selves. But they also limit us.
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- Beneath the protectors lie our VULNERABILITIES These are the tender, hidden places. The wounds, the needs, the childlike longings. Often, we’ve spent years avoiding them.
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- And then there are the DISOWNED selves These are the parts of us we’ve pushed so far away we don’t even know they’re there. If your protector is judgmental, your disowned self might be radically accepting. If your protector is hyper-masculine, your disowned self might be soft, creative, or feminine.
Inner Parts Work helps you build relationships with all of these parts not to fix yourself, but to embrace your full humanness. It brings the shadow into the light. It helps you communicate more consciously, love more deeply, and lead with integrity.
And most importantly for men in my opinion is to take responsibility for our own vulnerabilities without projecting them outwards and find ways to communicate them in order to come together and grow as a species.
So yes, men’s work might still carry stigma. But what I’ve found through this process is too valuable to dismiss.
We don’t just need men who are strong.
We need men who are whole.